• How am I feeling right now and why?

Tired. I didn't sleep enough last night, though I never do. Even if I go to bed early, I'll wake up too early. If I go to bed later, I'll still wake up too early. When I do somehow get 'enough' sleep, I'm still exhausted. I think there might be something wrong with me since I'm pretty sure I shouldn't be tired all the time, but what do I know? I'm not a doctor.

I'm also in pain. My back hurts from sleeping on it weird and I guess my neck hurts for the same reason. Also, my mattress sucks.My headache hasn't gone away yet. It now hurts right below my eye as well, and my throat hurts though I'm sure that's completely unrelated.

I feel nostalgic because I'm remembering what I used to be like when I was letting Miss Greene control my brain more. Which isn't her fault, I just wanted to please her because I had a crush on her. So I became a weird-ass scene kid. Worse than she was. I remember finding my old diary from around that time and being disgusted. Also, I listened to my walk man today. New music, same device.

I'm upset because her parents don't believe me. I'm also upset because it's almost my birthday and my birthday makes me sad. Also, I'm still a girl. I wish I could tell my parents I'm a boy, but I don't know how to explain that to them. Plus, what if they kick me out? That'd be bad. Also, I'm too sensitive. Miss Barnes keeps teasing me and it's really making me sad. Also, my entire German class makes fun of me. I guess thats not such a huge thing since my german class is only 5 people, one of which being me, another being Cheyenne.

I feel lonely because I can't relate to anyone anymore. I don't know how. Maybe Miss Becca, but I've never actually talked to her. I only know things I've learned in her blog. Also Miss Lex but only because she's also very eccentric. It's hard to relate to her though because she's 100 times more awesome than I am. And I've only talked to her a few times.

I feel hot. Temperaturewise, not in appearance. It's not supposed to be this warm in autumn.

I'm excited because I'm going to a meeting at the library tomorrow and get to see my favourite librarian who gives good advice and almost knows my secret and could probably guess if she wanted to, but probably wouldn't because she's like that.

I'm worried because Hope will be at the library and so will Carlin and Hope found out that I have a girlfriend and she's very religious so I'm scared she'll hate me. If she told Carlin, she might hate me too, but maybe less than Hope. Maybe I'm not giving them enough credit.


Note to self: bring home library book that's been rotting in my locker for a week.