We heard the organ music again today. I hope it is a regular occurence because it really does make science class (my least favourite class) more interesting. My science teacher was explaining how to get something's volume if you have it's density and mass. I totally knew how to do it before he started. When it was over I couldn't figure out what the HELL he was talking about. So I'm probably going to fail that test.

Today Jill sat next to me on the bus. She knew I'd freak out. She was one of the people who tormented me when Frank outed me. She sat down and I instinctively curled up into a ball and pushed my headphones really hard against my ears and closed my eyes. I use music as a coping device. I went to peek out to see if she'd left and her face was about 1/3 of an inch away from mine. I yelped.

I'm finally completely caught up with my photo a day for a year project. I keep taking pictures and then forgetting to upload them. But it's all good now (well...except for today).

I ate lunch today to make Emily happy. I don't want her to worry about me. She has enough issues.

Kayla, my friend from 6th grade, it now lecturing me on why I should date males rather than females. I've been laughing hysterically the entire conversation. She really changed. Oh well.

LOVE

LOVE

I love being able to see my breath during winter. I love how snow feels in your hand. I love tennis. I love gym class and actually miss it, as much as I deny it. I love tech class because I get to do nothing despite my complaints. I love algebra because it makes me feel smart. I love sitting with Kai because he doesn't pressure me to talk or smile. I love being with my friends at lunch. I love ecology club. I love sitting with Olivia on the bus. I love my tree, Sinseah. I love Emily. I love Vanessa. I love when she looks me in the eye even though I look away so quickly.
I love the bus ride. I love having to wake up at 5:45 in the morning. I love how the early morning looks just before the sun comes up. I love being able to talk to the librarian. I love reading. I love the library. I love art class. I love Neil Gaiman and Amanda Palmer and Brian Froud. I love the owner of that cute little gnome shop in boston, in a friend sort of way. I love Boston. I love being able to travel with my grandmother. I love cape cod.
I love Brittany. I love Mike who talked to me on the bus today. I love that my parents don't abuse me. I love that I have so many people that care about me. I love how kissing Emily felt. I love walking barefoot around the neighbourhood with Margo. I love that people look at us weird. I love the attention I get. I love lucky charms even though I really shouldn't eat them. I love saving the marshmallows for last. I love Brittany's teacher for making her do a dance to lure the fish. I love that someone recorded it and is putting it on youtube. I love finding other people who like things I like. I love that no matter where I go I find people like that.
I love tie-dye. I love rainbows. I love my shoes. I love the concept of love. I love singing at the top of my lungs at 8am. I love lakes. I love swimming. I love how my hair looks curly. I love tea, especially indian spice chai tea with just a little bit of fresh honey. I love english accents. I love that my uncle gets to travel. I love german class. I love the small bits of yiddish I know. I love that I can write whenever I want. I love having friends. I love that my friends like me. I love that they know my secrets and accept it even if they don't understand. I love protecting people. I love arguing and debating. I love my colour choices on blogger. I love that in tech class google videos isn't blocked. I love that my parents don't control what music I listen to or what I read. I love having such a diverse group of friends. I love that my english teacher knows who ben folds is. I love popcorn. I love the colour purple.
I love feet. I love kai's fingers. I love Andrew's afro because it's just so god damn fluffy! I love how my hair looked with purple in it. I love closepins. I love my dogs. I love rolling in grass. I love leaning against trees. I love breathing. I love how long this is. I love that I still love things even after everything. I love Speak. I love speaking. I love being quiet. I love quiet moments where it's okay to be quiet and you're just existing with another person. I love that maybe obama will win and this country will have a chance. I love that my parents don't come into the library which I consider my special place. I love the library in school because it has books by Neil Gaiman. I love centered text because it makes it move out and it looks cool if you know what I mean. I love that I phrase things so awkwardly. I love not thinking before I speak because it means I'm being honest.
I love being able to tell the truth sometimes. I love this colour because it's bright and happy. I love spelling color like colour. I love British spellings of words, especially aeroplane. I love the name Yolanda even though it's quite weird. I love when technology acts weird in a good way. I love knowing how to fix things. I love trees. I love tofu. I love pasta. I love being an italian. I love everyone spelling my name wrong. I love that Frank can make me smile still. I love that I can smile on my own. I love smiling. I love the New Zealand flag. I like the little spell check button on blogger. I love keyboard shortcuts. I love the sun. I love being so pale.
I love giant puffy rising pancakes. I love french toast. I love toast. I love breakfast! I love chinese food. I love cutting my toenails. I love laughing, especially when it's 400 times in a row and I actually count. I love chocolate. I love peace signs. I love that Jill doesn't bother me anymore. I love that Olivia is getting better. I love that Evelyn hasn't gotten completely fed up with me asking "HOWS OLIVIA?!" every time I see her. I love accordians. I love piano. I love the moon. I love stars. I love fantasy. I love the dark. I love freaking myself out. I love freaking other people out. I love the key that I wear. I love all keys. I love Beth. I love being early. I love the fall and spring. I love cool weather and I love wind.

I HAVE PROOF THAT MY SCHOOL IS EVIL. Today, at the end of science class when it was really quiet, we heard that creepy evil organ music stuff. Now no one can argue that my school isn't really that horrible. Christina and I just burst into laughter. I don't think my science teacher really noticed. He's so evil himself, the song is probably his theme song or something.

I finished my short story today, though it really isn't very good. I can't write anything decent if I'm not angry. I'm more sad than angry today, and when I'm sad and write it usually comes out as a bunch of emo garbage. I feel bad for whoever has to read it. My parents asked to, but I was like NO really loud. It's about a transgendered kid that's pretty much coming out to his mom. If I can't think of a full blown protest to do, I can atleast do little things like these. I really don't know how my parents would react though, so I convinced them not to look. I bet they check it while I'm sleeping, though. I wouldn't put it past them.

I'm sick of school. I'm sick of being around so many people all the time. I hate being around that many people. Like, I'm just one more kid. The teachers don't care about any of us and sometimes forget our names. Half our classes are boring and the other half won't help us with whatever job we want. How will knowing every single detail about Jamestown help me become a therapist?

Christina keeps calling me anerexic. Seriously, what the hell? I skip lunch, thats it. I eat all my other meals like a good little child. It isn't my fault we have lunch at a simply rediculous time. 10:15 is way too early. It's more like brunch. She's obviously never met a person who honest-to-god needed help.

[18:10] Jei: oh, guess who rubbed detritus on their face!

I think she won for the single handedly weirdest statement ever. Way to go, jei. In case you're like me didn't have any idea what detritus was, it's non-living organic matter that typically includes the bodies of dead organisms or fragments of organisms or fecal material. Yum, detritus!

She's actually not /that/ weird (though she did make the detritus into a mustache and beard). Anyone who rubbed it on their face got extra credit in science class.

I'm feeling so incredibly uncreative right now, which especially sucks because I have a short story due on tuesday that is only partially done. The biggest section, which includes the rising and declining action as well as the climax, is barely developed. If I fail reading, I guess I'll know why.

The other day, my friend Kai got in trouble for cross-dressing. It was the most rediculous thing ever. I can't believe my school doesn't let boys cross-dress. They don't give a shit if the girls do. It wasn't even like his skirt was too short or anything. He wore it over jeans, and plus the office specifically said cross-dressing was against the rules.

This really pisses me off. I don't see why they shouldn't be allowed to. They made his mum come to the school. She got so pissed off at him. I mean, it's not wonder he used to cut if he has such an unsupportive mom like that.

I don't get why it's against the rules. It's such discrimination against transgendered people. Not to mention, if the girls are allowed to, it's incredibly sexist. I wish I could think of something to do to fight it, but I'm drawing a blank. I feel like a loser, but I'm actually reading a webpage called "How To organize a student revolution" to get ideas.

Oh! Something else pissed me off the other day. During the pledge of allegiance, Kai usually chooses to remain silently, but respectfully, sitting. The teacher made him get up. She isn't allowed to do that! I scoured the student rule book for half of study hall and there was nothing there about having to say the pledge. (There also wasn't anything that specifically said 'No Cross-dressing').

I talked to the librarian yesterday. She gives better advice than my gym teacher. I almost admitted everything. Almost, but I just couldn't. I don't know why.